As I began to ask questions early on, little did I comprehend that it was a longing. A longing to remember something I had once known and yet had long forgotten. My desire to return to a knowingness that has always been apart of me and one in which I’d misplaced at the beginning of each new lifetime.
Some how, in this lifetime, I remembered enough to know that my learned reality, was no reality at all. There was enough of a spark within, that flickering light that we talk about, that led me to ask questions that few ask at a young age, or so I’m told. This, thankfully, has led me onto a journey of epic proportions. It has led me onto the journey within.
As I’ve opened, understood and developed greater awarenesses, in turn, I’ve been granted even more connection, which has enveloped me in a cocoon of richness, vastness, understanding and quickening incomprehensible to the human mind.
This is my attempt at revisiting this life long journey as a means of contemplation and witnessing to the processes and vastness that is accessible to us all, yet, until recent years and more in particular this period of time, has been just out of grasp to nearly all of humanity.
Truly, we are apart of an evolutionary period, the likes of which has never been seen on the earth plane before.
As more of us truly realize and remember who we really are, this, in turn, allows others still to fully realize and embrace this fact. Yes, we are approaching a tipping point from which – thankfully – there will be no return.
A platinum era if you will. An age of remembering that we are Spirit-led, Divine beings, having a human experience. Remembering that we are not our ego’s, our jobs, our stories. That we are not victims, or do not have to sacrifice ourselves.
Yes, it is a time for remembering to honour the Divine feminine, to allow her to lead. A time for the correct masculine to follow her lead in a correctness, reverence and holiness that has not been seen before. A time of true power and not power over. A time of complete balance wholeness, joy, play, connection to and with others – a deeper and more profound connection with ourselves. Ultimately we are entering a time for the return of perfect earth or maybe more accurately, heaven on earth. Perhaps as it was always meant to be when we originally created and came to this beautiful planet.
The Early Stages
I had that feeling early on, perhaps you’re aware of it yourself? I was trying to find my way in the world some call it the formative years or learning. Fortunately, I saw it as programming or even indoctrination.
Of course in my youth I didn’t know what I was feeling or experiencing. All I knew was that most of what I learned didn’t resonate at the heart level. From religion to school, to trying to fit into a mould of a society of lookalikes, good students, obedient workers, dutiful consumers and those being prepared to, and preparing to maintain the status quo.
In fact, the more I tried to fit in, the more pain I carried and the more discontent I could feel. I developed an un-ease and a nervousness around others that I could not explain and certainly had no understanding of. Despite how hard I tried, I could not numb the pain and the little voice – the whisper of my Spirit – would not relent and grew more impatient with each passing day.
On one hand, I longed to fit in to humanity while simultaneously on the other, it became abundantly clear that there was in fact so much more. Oh, so much more.
Of course, as I mentioned, I didn’t know that’s what was going on inside of me. At 12, 13, 14 years old, I only knew that I didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel at peace within myself. And that, unbeknownst to me, now looking back, is when my conscious recollection of my search and thus the awareness of my journey began.
I tried many things to fit in during those formative years. I suspect it’s that way for many of us. After all those are the pressures with societal and social norms as they are.
I played sports and got good grades. I fit into certain roles as the son, brother, friend, not knowing that I was doing so. As I fit into these moulds, so too did I develop the characteristics associated with them.
As these characteristics and roles began to take hold in my psyche, in my thinking mind, my ego developed more fully. I began to change from the essence with which I entered this world into someone else. I developed a persona to fit into the roles that society had developed for me and those that of course are accepted.
The essence of what I was when I came into this physical realm or my Spiritual Self Intuitiveness began to take a back seat to this new persona that was attached to my newly formed and ever developing, ever expanding and strengthening thinking mind. My Egoic identification.
As this separation between the human “I” (again referred to as the ego) and my Spirit Self continued, I developed the characteristics of the ‘strong male’ archetype. Namely, boys don’t cry, strong men don’t show, share or express their feelings or emotions, it’s cool to play sports and be athletic, you should date – many women, sensitivity is a fools game, a sign of weakness, will allow you to get hurt and is likely reserved for women.
I learned that life is hard, if there is no struggle it’s not worth it and that money is hard to come by. How many of us have heard the phrase “money doesn’t grow on trees”? What if it did? What if it was easy to make money and that was the program that was running in our mind from the time we were little?
I learned that hard work is valued above all else, that if you don’t get good grades, you’re not likely to amount to much and that there is a man in the clouds that will smite thee if you don’t follow the rules.
And yet with each role I played to, somehow I tried to break out of these roles, not play to conventional norms. With each ‘lesson’, I ultimately discovered that they were not entirely to be taken at face value. The more I tried to adhere to these guidelines, the more my Spirit tried to shake me awake.
You see, our Spirit will knock us on our ass until we wake up and listen once again. It will knock us down, give us aches and pains in the body, make us sick, throw up roadsigns, red tape and road blocks until we finally begin again to listen. For some, unfortunately they wait until their death bed to take head of the warning signs. For some, the sickness and the pain, the drama and the trauma are “just apart of life”…what if they aren’t?
For many of us, we are taught that these lessons need to be difficult and ruthlessly painful ones. That is apart of what’s in the collective consciousness and of course we learn the role of the abuser when we are young and dutifully take over that role of treating ourselves harshly as we age.
We aren’t told that we can be gentle with ourselves. We aren’t taught that we can have gentle, easy and beautiful lessons..and so, just like clock work comes the sledge hammer.
I’m a firm believer that if you go off track or get a little lost in terms of doing what your Spirit came here to do – your Spirits Journey – that it will do things to set you on the correct path.
The Question is….Are you listening, or do you have to be hit over the head with a two-by-four?