International Systemic (NEW Family) Constellations Master Facilitator & Trainer
New Zealand Born, Globally Present
The Science & Art of Relating
(NEW Family Constellation Work)
Ancestors Do Matter
At a soul-level, all members of a family system are deeply bound to each other in love and loyalty no matter how it may look on the surface.
This bond is an expression of the family soul.
The ‘Orders of Love’ are the structure the family dynamic must follow for the family soul to be at peace. If there has been a deep wound to the family soul such as sudden death, suicide, loss of fortune, abortion, adoption, war, etc., and that wound has not been acknowledged, then the flow of love may be impeded. Many generations later these blockages continue to manifest in seemingly unrelated ways such as: difficulties in relationships, professional problems, chronic illness or an inability to achieve a sustained sense of wholeness, no matter how much self-enquiry or spiritual growth is undertaken.
The way to dissolve these entanglements already exists within each family’s soul; Constellation Work simply serves as a respectful vehicle to enable this process and is achieved without the presence of other family members. This simple yet profound healing creates a radiating wave, serving all within the soul-group and creating a deep sense of spaciousness within the individual. Sometimes our way of being connected in our family is to suffer like those who came before us – unconsciously carrying the pain of our parents, grandparents or siblings as a way of belonging to the family. Illness, depression, anxieties, fear and addiction and failed relationships can be forms of this unspoken loyalty.
“Reconciliation begins with the Dead ” ~ Bert Hellinger
A ‘constellation’ has the unique capacity of being able to bring fundamental truths about any particular system to light. It bypasses the opinions and judgments that we so easily impose on reality and which tend to filter out, distorting the truth. We are surrounded by so many possibilities and limitations that confront us each day, so we can so easily forget that we are also intimately connected to the larger whole. Within this larger whole there are dynamics that are at work in systems that we don’t even notice. These are the hidden invisible dynamics that can, in one moment, give us the wings to fly or in another moment hold us completely paralyzed and unable to act!
“Peace begins in the Soul ” ~ Bert Hellinger
SOURCE CONSTELLATIONS are for personal (health, relationships), professional, business and other issues, on all levels. Structural Constellations can be set up for property matters, decision-making dilemmas and also career options. The accuracy of the Morphogenic Field is profound, bringing to light any hidden truths, invisible dynamics, ancestral entanglements, trans-generational secrets and curses that create obstacles and blockages to moving forward with ease and grace.
“When the truth can be seen, healing can begin” ~ Bert Hellinger
Experience any of this in your life?
- Feel like there is some invisible force holding you back from being fully yourself and leading a fulfilled life?
- You wish to fully live your OWN life and your Soul Purpose but keep getting stuck in the process…
- Feel you are lacking in contentment or peace of mind. You may have a good job, a nice home, great kids but are still unhappy – what is missing?
- Are you frequently plagued by feelings of guilt or unable to commit for the smallest reasons, in everyday life?
- Have you found any repetition of problem patterns in your family, relationship or workplace?
- You are feeling unexplained sadness, depression, loneliness and no matter what you have tried to shift this it is still there?
- Do you suffer from reoccurring illness, addictions, headaches, and/or accidents and wonder why?
- Your child has learning difficulties, is continuously restless or doesn’t even want to learn, for no apparent reason?
- I just don’t feel like I belong, whether in my job or even in my family’
- Suffering from reoccurring illness, addictions, headaches, and/or accidents and wonder why?
- How come I suffer from insomnia?
- Why am I still not making profit in my business even though I am working hard and ticking all the boxes?
- Why does my staff seem to leave after 8-10 months of starting??
- Why do I always ‘choose’ the wrong partners, in business and in personal relationships?
- I feel like the ‘black sheep’ of the family and don’t understand why.
- I’d like to stop smoking/drinking, but somehow I sabotage it.
- What is blocking my creativity?
- Every offer I put in on a property deal falls over…
For example: A young woman suffers from anxiety and a feeling of not belonging, this was the issue she presented to me at a recent workshop. We set up the Constellation and it showed:
Her mother had two aborted children who needed to be acknowledged and given a place. And her grandmother had to give her child away, as being an unmarried mother.
A woman is not able to stop the unhealthy relationship she is in – both her mother and grandmother had arranged, unhappy marriages.
She said, “I suffer for you.”
Who are we remembering?
Who are we trying to help?
Whose fate are we trying to carry? Out of a deep blind love, unconsciously.
Imagine a constellation in the sky — a grouping of stars that symbolize all of your Ancestors. Each star has an invisible ‘thread’ of energy connecting one to another…and to you. In your aliveness on this earth, you are connected on a deep soul-level to these people of the past, whether they are still alive or deceased. You have inherited their joys and sorrows, and you may be carrying anger, loss, illness or guilt that burden your life today – even if you do not know how or why.
You may not be able to fully live your Soul purpose even though you have a deep desire to. Most personal, health and work difficulties, as well as problems in relationship are results of confusion and disorder within our families’ systems. When confusion happens without being aware of it or without wanting, we incorporate in our life the destiny of another person from our own family, despite the fact that such a person lived in the distant past. This makes us repeat the destiny of the family members who were excluded, forgotten or not recognised in their belonging place within the Family System. On a deep unconscious level, we try to live that destiny for them or create misfortune, issues, ill health or other symptoms to diminish our ‘guilt.’
Setting up a Constellation gives a fresh perspective to the issue and people involved. It may change the way to look at a situation, which in turn can lead to a profound shift in one’s life experience. Constellation Work helps people connect and correct the past so that they can move forward in their OWN life, with deep joy, purpose, and a greater Love on all levels of their Being. (Credit here to my USA colleague, Michael Reddy, for his way of likening the Constellation Work to the Star System.)
There’s an epigenetic Conscious Field around our DNA that is embedded with everything that came before. Constellations use this Field of Consciousness to explore and finish the past dramas and traumas that are carried unconsciously from PAST events that no longer exist; therefore this sets a healthy boundary between what is ours (and theirs) through honor, love and respect to free us from the PAST in the PRESENT for a better FUTURE.
HERE’S THE WAKE UP CALL FOR US ALL – REMEMBER:
WE ARE NOT THE CODE
WE ARE THE WRITERS OF THE CODE
We are not controlled by our genes, nor are we like computer programs that are controlled by their code. This is a fallacy propagated by Darwinian-based Scientism…for almost two centuries.
Genes are a biological tendency for expression.
Changing our state of consciousness can influence or even change completely the tendency for expression.
When we do this, our ‘code’ can actually be rewritten, and a different manifestation can be expressed.
MORE ABOUT THE CONSTELLATION PROCESS: ANCESTORS DO MATTER
Constellation work is a powerful healing method developed by Bert Hellinger in Germany. During four years travelling to Austria, I trained directly with him and his wife, Sophie Hellinger in ‘Moving with the Spirit-Mind in Constellations,’ the Science of Love. I was fortunate to spend another twelve years on the International Circuit as Bert and Sophie Hellinger’s Interpreter (translating from German to the English language) therefore working closely alongside and aligning with his latest insights during public audiences with up to 1,700 participants. Alchemic and ancestral wisdom was bared for the self-healing processes of the participants, their deceased loved ones, and all within the Family System.
Family Systems have enormous power and strong bonds, which when hidden can severely impact on our emotions and health. Issues that seem to take a stronghold in our life often have their roots from events in our family system. Fates in our ancestry like losing a parent or child early, abandonment, immigration, suicide, mental health, cancer, and abortions have a rippling effect for several generations. Out of a DEEP LOYALTY, we unconsciously carry these fates and trauma as if they happened to us. For instance, could we ever imagine that our unexplained sadness or health problems could be connected to our grandmother’s stillborn child?
Constellations can be set up in private, one-to-one, also in groups and large audience settings. The skilled and experienced facilitator holds the Field, needing only minimal information or ‘story’ to set up a participant’s constellation. She or he looks at the client not as an individual, but rather in the context of the greater family system he or she belongs to. Involvement in a Constellation Circle happens on three levels: As an observer/participant one will experience healing energy and alignments; and, supporting others in their Constellations will also move an issue forward. Thirdly, one may ‘represent’ a member of someone’s family in their Constellation. This experience can be life-transforming as preconceived perceptions on how relationships work will have changed. Without doing anything – simply though intention – one will take on the thoughts and feelings of the family member ‘represented.’ Or one may feel ready to set up their own Constellation. Typically, a Constellation moves through two stages: In the first, hidden, yet compelling dynamics within the family come to light. In the second phase, healing movements and statements are discovered, or recovered, to rebalance the family system and offer RESOLUTION for the client’s issue. Constellations can effectively address business, career related, organizational and community issues, as well as marital dilemmas.
Overview of a Constellation Circle
The Morphogenic Energy Field created during the circle allows all participants to experience healing, regardless of level of involvement. As mentioned above, participants can choose from 3 levels of involvement:
Just observing from the circled seating
Representing a person on someone else’s family
Placing their own family in the circle using representatives
FEEDBACK from participants in Source Constellation Workshops help one to understand the profound yet simple life-changing transformations that can take place within one Constellation. Often clarity on soul purpose comes to light, allowing participants also to review how they wish to contribute to humanity in their profession or life calling. Here are examples of feedback:
‘My son, who’s suffering from drug addiction, was not willing to be present at any therapy groups. As his mother, I set up our family constellation and not only did I understand the causes of his addiction, he actually turned the corner on his problems four months after the workshop – Bert Hellinger’s work is mind-blowing and is beneficial for ALL.’ ~ Sandra B
’The Constellation Experience was truly life-changing! Amazing that a few hours of group activity have changed my thoughts and feelings. As a result I am experiencing the healing of a long lasting disease and I am now free from medication, to live a full, pain-free life.’ ~ Dorothy P
‘The work is real and non threatening.’ ~ Timothy D
‘I could never have imagined that my issues around money had anything to do with my great grandfather! Setting up a constellation and moving it through to a positive resolution has totally shifted my perception, not only of the issue but of how we are spreading healing to all our family members at the same time.’ ~ Max R, New York
‘Some day the medical profession will wake up and realize that unresolved emotional issues are the main cause of 85% of all illnesses. When they do, Constellation Work will be their primary healing tool… as is for me.’ ~ Garth Robins, MD
Other interesting facts:
Other family members do not need to be present, as the Morphogenic Energy Field holds all information past, present and future. Also the need for self -disclosure is minimal. An experienced facilitator will often work with no words, trusting absolutely in the matrix of the ‘Knowing Field’ and the ‘Movements of the Soul’ (as termed by Bert Hellinger) are divine and pure, and incredibly accurate. Often no words are needed to set up a constellation and go straight to the root cause of the issue. Workshop participants receive healing simply by participating in the group event – the Law of Resonance is in action!
Participants leave with a life-changing deep understanding of themselves, the power of love, and the forces that govern human relationships.
How entangled are you in your own family web?
The Hellinger Approach
Family Constellation work is an experiential, inter-generational healing process developed by renowned German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger (as presented earlier in this article). The work has grown rapidly in Europe in the last 30 years, gaining attention internationally. Bert Hellinger, over many years of clinical practice, observed that there is an order to the way that love flows in RELATIONSHIPS. When that order is disrupted, it is often family members in subsequent generations who experience the consequences of this disruption. Without realizing it, people often re-enact patterns that originate in the past rather than in events of this lifetime. Unrecognized ancestral traumas breed relationship, health, financial, and family issues that defy repeated attempts to transform them. Through this Family Constellation work one discovers the hidden mysteries in the family structure or current dilemma that may be stopping someone from leading a fulfilled life.
Powerful Healing and Self-Healing Portals
By restoring the ‘ORDERS OF LOVE’ a deep shift often occurs in one’s soul and Family System’s collective consciousness. A Constellation will give a fresh perspective of issues and the people involved. It may change the way one looks at a situation, which in turn can lead to a PROFOUND shift in life experience. Participants are frequently amazed and deeply touched when the hidden love connections and ENTANGLEMENTS within their systems are revealed.
What Happens in a Workshop?
The participant choosing to work on their family is asked what their burning issue is. The facilitator then asks only for the most essential facts about the family. The participant then selects representatives for the members of this family and places them in a space in relationship to one another, following his/her own intuition. This creates an ENERGY FIELD, in which all involved representatives begin to receive information (physical sensations, emotions, thoughts, etc.) related to the family member whom they are representing. Every change in position within the constellation effects the information received. As a result, previously subconscious (often tragic family ties) are made perceptible and the dynamic that caused the participant’s issue can be BROUGHT TO LIGHT.
Ways to Resolution
With the information provided by the representatives, and using steps such as appreciation and/or detachment rituals, the Constellation can now be restructured according to the ‘Orders of Love’ into a BALANCED FAMILY SYSTEM, where love, flowing consciously and unimpeded heals, and guilt, once acknowledged, can turn into energy.
‘Freedom’ usually means:
“Free from something which constricts us, has limited us and has held us. We have become free from it, new opportunities are open to us. The more we develop and unfold as human beings, the more we become free; also in the sense that we can leave something behind.” ~ Bert Hellinger, Sophie Hellinger, NEW Family Constellation Work
(Credit is due also to my dear colleague Gary Stuart, based in Los Angeles, for his ongoing support and friendship.)