Written by Greg Paul
This story charts the course of one of the most important aspect of the evolutionary journey I have ever taken, that occurred for me last year – it is an honor to share it with you…
I found myself in a place where there was simply nothing left – everything was gone – everything that made up who and what I was (or rather everything that made up who and what I had become since the last time every aspect of who and what I was entered into oblivion, which then had initiated a complete self-realization), had been stripped away.
I was visiting friends and whilst sharing with one of them some of the things that I had been feeling and also talking about evolution generally – what the planet and mankind is being called to at this time; what small groups like ours needed to embody if we were ever to truly ground projects that anchored this transition for all – something very cool began to happen…
It was another Samadhi state (one of dozens experienced over a few short months).
And a half hour in, one of my friends came to join me in that space. Unlike any other that lasted only several hours, this continued the rest of the day until I went to bed (staying at my friends house), and about 30 mins after when I woke up the next morning, when I’d come round properly from a particularly deep sleep, it rose again.
I had a lot of things to do that day but could not find the impulse to move… eventually, mid-morning, I did. After running a couple of errands I returned to my own home and things subsided a little, but I was soon out again for meetings and, after the first meeting, had a two hour gap before the second, so I went to sit in a coffee shop and, as I sat with my computer open feeling the urge to see what wanted to flow, the writings that follow occurred…
What is life trying to show me?
Family implodes and disappears to England
Most beautiful woman and I fall in love then she disappears
Financial income disappears
The only way out is in; to surrender to the Truth that I have already experienced in its fullest colours. I Am. I Am. I Am.
[A state, alike to the Samadhi state but even more grounded, began to bloom – it was actually akin to the state of no-self/self-realization I experienced for around 18 months some 6 years earlier]
What are all the stories that have been arising?
I am not loving enough. I am wounded. I am out of alignment with abundance. I am trapped. I must be very unbalanced for everything to break around me. I must balance myself. I lose myself in ‘that’ environment. I must honor my responsibilities. I should leave for my own well-being. I should stay for my higher learning. Should I stay or should I go?
So who am I that is thinking/feeling these things?
Who am I that is thinking/feeling I am not loving enough? Who am I that is thinking/feeling wounded? Who am I that is thinking/feeling out of alignment with abundance? Who am I that is feeling trapped? Who am I that is thinking/feeling I am unbalanced? Who am I that wants/needs to balance myself? Who am I that loses myself in ‘that’ environment? Who am I that wants to make this twin flame union work? Who am I that thinks I must honor my responsibilities? Who am I that thinks/feels I should leave for my own well-being? Who am I that thinks/feels I should stay for my higher learning and my responsibilities? Who am I that cares/needs to know whether I should stay or go? Who am I that cares/wants to know what it means that the connection between us appears to have gone?
So who am I when all this has gone?
And who am I that wants to know who I am when all this is gone?
[I leave the coffee shop, in this very present ‘no-self’ state to go to my meeting (which never showed up). The rest of the day I spend in this state – thoughts and feelings continue to arise, but every one of them is followed by an immediate “Who am I that thinks/feels…” – burnt away by the all-pervading ‘no-self’ state.]
Who am I that is ‘who am I’ing me all the time?…
[This continues all day, but the next morning I am back in a more ‘personal’ state. After some more errands, I am back in the same coffee shop.]
[I pick up on a thought I had earlier in the morning] I am a really stupid bastard. Who am I that is a really stupid bastard?
I have nothing left. Who am I that has nothing left?
[But something is different than the last time I crossed this self-realization Rubicon – last time it was my own choice, this time everything is being ripped from me and I am being propelled to surrender to it; last time it was only noticeably about thoughts and beliefs, this time it is feelings as well. There is much more emotion – I have become a much more emotional being. This time feels like the opportunity to go beyond the no-self ‘Buddha’ state and embrace a fully integrated emotionally engaged ‘Christ consciousness’ state. I know that what I must do is integrate all of the personal feeling that is present once again with the enlightened state, rather than try to transcend it as last time…]
I AM – this is the Truth that lives in me…
And yet, the Truth is, I feel:
Stupid, like I have nothing, wounded, alone, out of alignment with abundance…
So what is intelligence? I Am – I am ultimate intelligence – I am stupid
What is nothing? I am – I am everything – I have nothing
What is wholeness? I Am – I am whole – I am wounded
What is company? I am – I am all that is – I am alone
What is abundance? I Am – I am abundance – I am out of alignment with abundance
As I remain open to this integration, I AM IRRECONCILABLY AMBIVALENT…
I allow the blazing light of higher truth to burn away all that makes me feel ambivalent.
Who am I that is allowing the blazing light of truth to burn away all that makes me feel ambivalent?
And on it continues… an ever decreasing vortex leading straight to the zero-point… again!
The enlightened state continued to wax and wane, minute to minute, hour to hour – as I delve in an out of the ‘practical’ world (sometimes maintaining through the practicality, sometimes not and having to reengage when there’s more space) – a very different experience than last time, but who am I that gives a shit about that!
‘They’ say that self-realization is like an onion – you peel back layer upon layer of yourself until there is nothing left, but the truth is that really it’s a fractal onion – you get to nothing left but the microscope continues zooming in until there appears a dot in the distance. As the dot draws closer one can see that it is a whole other onion. The only difference between the second onion and the first is that, as one passes through the second, it is now an experiential truth that, even in the blazing light of pure Love, pure Truth – perfection – there are almost certainly always more onions!
Love
p.s. We cover the enlightenment adventure and all other aspects of authentic sovereign embodiment at The Sovereign’s Way Academy… check it out!
Originally posted @ The Sovereign’s Way
