Preemptive Letting Go

I have noticed, while spending restful time mostly alone with animals, reflecting, focusing on spiritual practice, exercise, and good nutrition in between work and occasional meetings with dear friends, that the force of spiritual evolution is inexorable and impersonal in my life.

If a friendship or a relationship is distracting me, holding me back in some way, disrupting my health, or interfering with the purposes for which I came here, it gets removed from my life very quickly and efficiently, whether I am emotionally ready for it to be removed or not. This pattern was at first shocking and disorienting, but now I have come to accept its formidable momentum. It seems to have picked up the pace in the last few years. Apparently I signed up for this, so no point in digging in my heels.

Having noticed that phenomenon and reconciled myself to it, I am offering less resistance to the waves of change as they come, even getting out ahead of them and ending activities or associations that have expired, before life forcibly rips them from me anyway. Surfing the leading edge of change, cooperating with it. It is less painful than having things ripped away by an external event when I am unprepared.

In the wake of abandoned activities and friendships that have served their purpose, relief bubbles up, more spaciousness, and more spontaneous moments of being of service to others, without orchestration or particular plans: The cashier who needs an extra boost, the stranger looking for directions or advice, the veteran who needs a nutritious meal, the pet who is grieving the loss of a favorite human and needs extra time and petting.

Somehow all this works out, and the desires that used to turn outward now turn inward and upward, transforming into goodwill and spilling back out indiscriminately into the world.

Solitude and involvement. Togetherness and aloneness. Attending to my own healing, and offering help. The torus of life churns on.